You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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