Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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