For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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