She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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