are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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