I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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