how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize