my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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