You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize