I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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