i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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