The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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