I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize