if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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