Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your penis caused this!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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