just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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