I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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