my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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