Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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