i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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