i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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