doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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