theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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