OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize