Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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