I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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