i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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