Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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