I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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