you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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