My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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