why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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