I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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