Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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