just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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