Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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