well I can't set my house on fire every night
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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