last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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