cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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