New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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