oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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