I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got chris browned last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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