He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize