I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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