My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize