I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize