Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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