i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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