I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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