K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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